Kim Jong Un’s Defiant New Haircut: Chairman Meow Demands Sanctions
Much like the hard-working women in Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, there is also much rivalry among world leaders who desperately seek the admiration of the masses. Although Chairman Meow tries to remain humble, he admits that sometimes he gets swept into the competition.
For example, when Vladimir Putin released masculine photos of himself riding a horse shirtless, Chairman Meow responded by uploading a video of himself wrestling, and then eating a 500 pound grizzly bear. (Video has since been removed from YouTube)
Kim Jong Un: A Radical Haircut that defies the Laws of Physics
It seems that Kim Jong Un has thrown down the gauntlet to world leaders everywhere by sporting a defiant, shocking new haircut.
Surely the only way to shape a haircut like that is with a dangerous object; such as a large caliber bullet, harpoon blade, or maybe one of those menacing switchblade-combs?
Kim Jong Un: Building a “Hairway to Heaven?”
It appears that Mr. Un’s hair has achieved unprecedented trapezoidal order and perfection; stretching upward, possibly in an attempt to touch God himself. (How will Vladimir Putin compete with this?)
Could he be using his hair as an instrument to speak directly to God, like his own personal Mt. Sinai?
Also consider this: Ancient Korean folklore tells of artists making extensive preparations before creating a masterpiece. They were known to isolate themselves for days, during which time they made ritual offerings to God for guidance and artistic inspiration. Did Kim Jong Un’s barber go through similar preparations before cutting his hair?
Does Kim Jong Un Use Hair Product? (Perhaps “Seoul Glo?”)
Does Mr. Un use a pomade? Perhaps a gel with a military-grade holding strength, requiring enriched uranium? Would that mean that this new haircut is nuclear?
I also wonder, What does Kim’s hair smell like? I would guess a pungent bouquet of sage, jasmine, and burning leather. Such a formidable scent would surely singe the nostrils, cause disorientation, and make the eyes of anyone who dares to approach him water profusely.
Admittedly, I haz not seen such a bold hairstyle since Christopher “Kid” Reid of legendary musical duo “Kid n’ Play.” Or, perhaps the unstable trend-setting child-star Willow Smith?
Can Sanctions Stop, or Even Contain His Hair?
This is an uncompromising, audacious haircut that will not negotiate. However, as a freedom-loving cat that lives on American soil, Chairman Meow implores President Obama to impose sanctions on it. If we can not stop the terrorist-haircut itself, perhaps we can sanction resources such as glycerin, hydrogenated castor oil, and beeswax to North Korea that may be supporting it?
Chairman Meow Reveals His Own Glorious New Haircut
Well played, Mr. Un, Chairman Meow respects your audacity, and has accepted your challenge. I reveal to you now a preview of my own new power-haircut, shown here:
Yes, Mr. Kim Jong Un. No matter what challenge you present, Ever-Victorious Leader Chairman Meow will always defeat you…