• • Russia Releases Shocking Photo of Advanced Kitty Weaponry

    Posted on 15/06/2015 by | 0 comments

    European leaders are scrambling today after Vladimir Putin released a photo showing that Russia has obtained advanced kitty military capacity. (AKMC) Sources say that this provocative move is merely the latest effort by Mr. Putin to reclaim the “lost glories” of the Soviet Union.

    rocket cat russia

    special kitty cat foodStrategic resources?

    U.S. intelligence warns that Mr. Putin may be planning an imminent attack on the Eastern Ukraine, an area rich in magnesium, sugar beets, and potassium.

    These resources are all key ingredients in Special Kitty cat food, which experts say are crucial for fueling this new feline weaponry.

    Can Mankind Really Control This New Technology?

    Critics claim that Mr. Putin’s ambitions may be larger than we think, and warn that man has tried to control the kitty for generations without success. By once again attempting to do so, is Mr. Putin risking that this technology will quickly spiral out of control and threaten the very existence of mankind?

    ian malcolm

    Dr. Ian Malcolm

    As Dr. Ian Malcolm warned in Jurassic Park, “The scientific power that your using here didn’t require any discipline to attain it…. So, you don’t take any responsibility for it.”

    Or, perhaps this is a case of the “tail wagging the dog” (or cat?) with the kitty merely using Mr. Putin as a pawn to achieve Chairman Meow’s radical vision of kitty world-domination?

    Either way, in attempting to control and wield the power of the kitty, mankind may once again be opening Pandora’s (litter?) Box.

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  • • Working From Home? Eliminate Distractions w/ This Brilliant Invention

    Posted on 12/06/2015 by | 1 comment

    hugo gernsback

    Hugo Gernsback

    “The Isolator” Invention by Hugo Gernsback – Working from home has a lot of challenges. The phone rings, the kids barge into my office, the dog pulls things off my shelves and scatters them…

    What’s a self-employed person, writer, or entrepreneur to do?

    Well, apparently Hugo Gernsback had the same issue in 1925, and instead of complaining about it, he went out and (sort of) changed the world by inventing something (questionably) great: The Isolator:

    the isolator anti distraction helmet

    science invention magazine

    Science & Invention Magazine

    Hugo himself was not just a crazy guy off the streets; he was actually editor of Science & Invention Magazine, which I assume was a legitimate publication. (hey, it has the word, “science” in it!) He also is considered by many to be one of  “The Fathers of Science Fiction.”

    OK, maybe it didn’t gain the popularity that Scotch Tape did (invented the same year) but I bet it helped at least a few people concentrate out there. I’m thinking maybe this invention could help fix the ADHD epidemic in this… look, a butterfly!

    the isolator invention

    click to view larger

    Anyway, let’s just hope that helmet material isn’t asbestos, and that no smart-aleck kids out there got the idea to switch Mr. Gernsbeck’s oxygen tank with helium.

    Well, in conclusion, Hugo never succeeded with his invention, or even copyrighted the name “The Isolator.” (which I imagine is now being tarnished by a “sexual well-being” gadget of the same name sold at drugstore.com)

    Chairman Meow Says: In conclusion, let Hugo’s failure be a lesson to us all: “we all have dreams, but some people’s dreams are stupid.”

    the isolator helmet funny invention

    the isolator focus helmet writers

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  • • Tax Tips for Bloggers: 9 Top Tax Deductions for Blog Owners

    Posted on 11/02/2015 by | 1 comment

    Most people have something to share with the world. For those comfortable with writing, blogging is often a good fit. If you are among the minority of people who stick with it and turn a profit, then you’ll need to declare the income.

    The good news is that, unlike working at the local coffee shop, there are a myriad of potential tax deductions that might be associated with your blogging income.

    Remember, if blogging is just part of the duties of your full time job (working for The Man) you won’t be able to take advantage of these deductions.

    However, if you blog on your own or as an independent contractor, consider the tax deductions in this post!

    Tax Deduction Ideas for Bloggers

    The IRS defines qualifying business expenses as needing to be both “ordinary and necessary.” Hmmm… what does that mean? Here’s a clearer definition:

    • Ordinary:  Commonly accepted expenses in your trade or business
    • Necessary: Helpful and appropriate in your trade or business

    So how do those terms relate specifically to blogging? Here are some common expenses that should qualify as deductions against your blogging income.

    In other words, reasonable expenses related to your business or blogging income. New iPad? Yes. Video games? No, unless you review video games on your blog.

    Your home office: A Top Tax Deduction

    blogging tax deductionsIf you send 3 hours a day at Starbucks on a laptop, you’re probably used to getting dirty looks from the barista. Therefore, it’s assumed that you sit down to a desk at home to do your work, and there are expenses associated with that.

    Did you buy office supplies like a printer, printer ink,  flash or backup drives, computers or devices like an iPad or laptop? Don’t forget to claim them as business expenses.

    If you derive a significant income from blogging, these home office deductions probably make sense.

    Utilities and Internet as Deductions

    If you spend considerable time blogging, then utilities like heat and AC should qualify as tax deductions. If you have 10 rooms in your house (excluding bathrooms) then your office is assumed to be 1/10 of that space. Therefore, 10% of your utility bills can be deducted against your blogging income. Did you make improvements to your home like repairs, painting, or landscaping? Those are significant as well.

    A portion of your internet service is also deductible. If you have internet bundled with phone and cable, (Comcast and Verizon do that) then assume that internet is 1/3 of your bill. You can’t deduct your home (land line) telephone unless it’s a second line used for your business. A portion of your cell phone bill can also be a deduction.

    Costs Associated With Running Your Blog

    wordpress_logoDeveloping and maintaining a blog isn’t free, and these expenses are tax deductible. Common expenses are web hosting, and domain registration fees. A new domain typically costs under $20 a year, while premium domains bought at auction can cost thousands of dollars. If you use WordPress, then claim the cost of any plugins or themes that you bought.

    Tip: Write-Off Software Needed for Your Blog

    If you create graphics, video, audio, or animation for your blog, then claim these expenses on your taxes. A single font family or software program like Macromedia PhotoShop can cost hundreds of dollars, which is a significant deduction.

    Do you run an antivirus program like Norton Security on your computer or devices? Do you back up your files with a backup service like Carbonite? Maybe you pay Shutterfly (get deals) to store your photos and video? That’s a tax deduction.

    Blog Advertising and Graphic Design

    logo_design_tax_deduction2If you’re a true jack of all trades, you may have designed and developed your own site. However, consider any expenses associated with the appearance and development of your blog including logo design.

    Have you bought any stock photography or premium content for your blog? Those exclusive photos you posted on your blog of Kim Kardashian on the beach aren’t free. (If you “borrowed” them, you might be getting a cease and desist letter!)

    Do you pay to advertise your blog? If you do any advertising on Google, Facebook, BlogAds, Fiverr, or have sent out a press release from a company like PRWeb, don’t forget to claim these expenses.

    Insurance: Health or Home

    If you are a freelancer, or go it alone, then you probably pay your own health insurance. The IRS should allow you to deduct all medical expenses over 10% of your adjusted gross income.

    If you are claiming a home office, then you can deduct a portion of your homeowners or renters insurance. Remember, if you get your health insurance through your employer, you can’t deduct it as a business expense. Also, checkout healthcare.gov for a potential better rate!

    Tip: Subscriptions or Paid Blog Content

    magazine subscription tax deductionMost blogs are in a niche of some sort, think of whether you pay for magazine subscriptions or premium online content that is necessary or helpful for your blog content. If you made $20k from your gossip blog, then it’s reasonable to write-off your subscription to US Weekly magazine. If you run a finance blog, then your subscription to The Wall Street Journal is a deduction.

    Travel, Gifts, & Entertainment Deductions

    If you attend any blogging conventions like BlogHer, your travel expenses are tax deductions. If your blog makes money from affiliate programs, then maybe you went to an event like CJ University. If you interviewed someone for your blog over lunch, or sent them pears from Harry & David, as a “thank you” gift, those collective expenses are significant.

    Contributions to Your Retirement

    As a sole proprietor or LLC you might be able to lower your tax bill further by contributing to a retirement plan like a SEP-IRA, which reduces your taxable income.

    Reporting Your Blogging Income

    With blogging income, you’ll need to file a standard Form 1040, as that form includes the Schedule C to report business / blogging income, unless you are an independent contractor; in which case you should have gotten a Form 1099-MISC. (Assuming you made $600+)

    Whether you have an accountant, or do your own taxes with TurboTax or H&R Block software, be sure to think long and hard about all the money you spent supporting your blogging income. Also, be sure to check out our useful coupons on this site, provided by Honorable Leader Chairman Meow.

    [google_news limit=”5″ length=”125″ query='”tax+tips”‘]

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  • Hundreds of North Koreans Forced to Watch “Cat Eating Watermelon” Video for Hours

    Posted on 03/01/2015 by | 4 comments

    comrad kim movie north korea

    Comrade Kim Goes Flying

    Kitty Propaganda Video Forced on Hundreds of North Koreans – Patrons of several movie theaters in the North Korean capital of Pyong Yang, were surprised to learn that they would not be seeing the state-approved movie Comrade Kim Goes Flying, which they had bought tickets for.

    Instead, witnesses say that when the theaters were filled to capacity, the doors were locked by several masked people wearing Chairman Meow t-shirts, and the short video below, titled, “cat eating watermelon” was looped for over 4 hours.

    Chairman Meow accused of human rights abuse

    chairman meowWhile some later criticized the theater incidents as “brain-washing” and “illegal,” Chairman Meow insists that he was motivated by patriotism saying the cat video was not propaganda, but showed, “inspirational harmony between cats and dogs,” and “something all North Koreans must watch to better understand the ideals freedom and the Kitty Revolution.”

    Ever Victorious, Iron-Willed Commander Meow denied that the act was payback for the recent hacking of Sony Studios for releasing the movie, The Interview, but did admit to rolling in catnip before thoroughly enjoying the controversial movie.

    Chairman Meow, The Glorious General, Who Descended from Heaven, also denied that the actions were payback towards the government of North Korea, after they banned Cat Fancy magazine, and did not officially respond to his challenge to play golf against Kim Jong Il several years ago.

    “Cat Eating Watermelon” video proves to be effective Propaganda

    After the video finally ended, the theater doors were unlocked, and witnesses say that hundreds of people streamed out into the streets of the North Korean capital demanding freedom and shouting, “Long live Chairman Meow!”

    Although protests were mostly peaceful, a nearby Petco store was vandalized and looted for its catnip and fishy treats.

    A spokesperson for Chairman Meow claimed that the “Cat Eating Watermelon” may spark revolution among the freedom-hungry people of North Korea needed,  and predicted that the regime of Kim Jong Un will soon be ousted, and that “cats and dogs will join humans in celebration.”

    chinese protestersLong live Chairman Meow!

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  • How to Recognize an Atomic Bomb: Safety Tips from Chairman Meow

    Posted on 26/11/2014 by | 0 comments

    chairman meow

    Chairman Meow

    Great Teacher Chairman Meow receives many good questions from the interwebs, such as the following:

    Dear Glorious Leader,
    Something has landed in my yard, and it may be an atomic bomb. It is approximately 20 feet long, weighs 5 tons, and it is too wide to wrap my arms around. Could this be an atomic bomb?
    Thank you, Gary

    Thank you for your excellent question, Gary. To answer, I would like to enlighten you with “Learning to Recognize an Atomic Bomb” poster distributed by Students Against Atomic Warfare (SAAW):

    vintage recognize atomic bomb poster

    Does it have a Pointy tip?

    Observe on poster how some bombs have nasty pointy thing on top. This is of concern, especially during Workplace Eye-Wellness Month. If you approach the bomb to inspect, try not to let pointy tip poke you in the eye. Chairman Meow suggests wearing safety glasses and a wide-brimmed hat whenever approaching potential nuclear bombs.

    Some missiles are actually just snow cone machines

    snow coneStill not sure? If the missile in question has a large red button on it, try pushing it. Next, hold a paper cone under top of missile, and prepare to receive a refreshing frozen treat. If you hear grinding sound, but no shaved ice comes out, then stand back; missile may actually be nuclear after all.

    tip: nuclear bombs usually have silly names

    Approach the missile in question. Do you see a funny name written on the side? If not, then it is probably not nuclear. Nuclear bombs often have humorous names such as “little boy” or “fat man,” to lighten the mood after news of explosion.

    Can you read Russian, Gary?

    Are words on the bomb written in a strange language? If so, perhaps this illustration will help:

    atomic bomb safety tips

    Identifying a nuclear bomb: The rule of thumb

    So, Gary; to summarize, if it looks like a penis, don’t touch it, as it will probably kill you. (i.e. missiles, swords, guns, cigars, torpedoes, Twinkies, Vladimir Putin, etc)  – Chairman Meow has spoken.

    Related News: U.S. Military has lost at least 8 atomic bombs

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