• Vistaprint Free Business Cards? 500 for $10 is Better

    Posted on 23/06/2014 by | 17 comments

    So, having tried out both their “free” and “500 for $10″ offers, I’m here to recommend the 500 for $10. which includes shipping. The extra couple of dollars can give you more design choices, and a better product. Here are both promotions, as well as my thoughts.


    Can you still get business cards for free from Vistaprint?

    free business card designs vistaprint

    free business cards design

    There was a time not too long ago that you would have a few good options online for free business cards. Let me rephrase that: “free” business cards. People still continue to Google “free business cards” about 60,000 times each month, but they get more ads than actual results.

    The top handful of discount printing companies including Vistaprint offered from between 50 and 250 for free, but as you know, there is no such thing as a free lunch in this world. These companies knew that offering business cards for free is a money-losing promotion, so there was always a catch of some sort. Most of the time companies would double the actual cost of shipping to recoup their money, while others, including VistaPrint, would try to up-sell you with a number of offers and add-ons before you could complete your purchase.

    No such thing as a free lunch… or business cards

    In fact, the gas station down the road from me offers “free coffee” all day long, so you get the idea. It’s a nice little gimmick to get people in the door, but that’s not how they keep the lights on, and it’s not the quality of coffee I’d bring home to my wife.

    Anyway, discount printing companies figure that having your email address was worth something, and that a decent number of people would want to add something like matching address labels to their order from which they could make a few bucks. However, I don’t think that they ever got too far ahead on the business card giveaway offers, because now VistaPrint is almost alone in that space.

    free business cards vistaprint2

    sample of their 45 free business card designs

    Please try the “250 for $10″ deal for business cards Instead!

    If you’ve ever gotten VistaPrint’s free business cards, you’ll notice a couple of things. First, you don’t have a lot of template design options. There are usually 45 on their site, to be exact. Although we’ll give them credit for turning out a pretty good “free” product, the second thing that you’ll notice is that, because they are not “premium,” the card stock is a little cheaper, and on the back of each card you get a printed message saying, “Business cards are free at VistaPrint.com.”

    Although, free business cards can still serve a purpose

    This might not matter if you’re intent is to simply use these as “mommy cards” amongst friends, or if you are addicted to dropping your business card into fish bowls at restaurants to try to win contests. However, if you use business cards as part of your personal or business marketing effort, you probably don’t want to be thought of as the guy with the cheap, free business cards.

    The difference in cost between 250 of their free business cards, and the 250 for $10 deal is only about 2 cents per card when you factor in shipping costs for the free ones. (In the current “250 for 10″ offer, shipping is included) Bottom line is that their premium ones are still cheap, and the savings aren’t enough for me to justify choosing a less desirable product.

    vistaprint free business cards sample

    Another sample of Vistaprint’s free business cards

    In any event, there are a number of design templates to choose from, allowing you to upload your own photo and customize with your own text.

    Vistaprint offers free business cards, but I’ll gladly pay for premium ones

    They have already phased out most of their free deals, and this is probably the only one that they still offer. I can’t personally recommend taking advantage of it though, as their “premium” ones only cost a couple of dollars more.

    free business cards

    free or premium business cards

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  • Buy Chairman Meow Army T-Shirts: Support the Kitty Revolution!

    Posted on 15/05/2015 by | 4 comments

    chairman meowChairman Meow is the self-proclaimed leader of the Kitty Revolution. He promotes a radical, yet peaceful ideology and envisions a future of cat world domination.

    The Ministry of Feline Propaganda has recently created a t-shirt design honoring Great Leader Chairman Meow; and the result is simply glorious:

    chairman meow t-shirts army

    There are only a limited number of these professionally screen-printed American Apparel t-shirts available! (only 25 in each size: S, M, L XL)

    chairman meow t shirt back

    small design on back

    About these glorious Chairman Meow T-Shirts:

    • American Apparel “fine jersey” t-shirts: made & printed in USA
    • “2001” style is unisex for men or women
    • 2-sided screen printed design (small star design on back, between shoulders)
    • 4.3 oz. 100% combed ring-spun cotton “army” color
    • May save you from working in the salt mines when cats take over the world
    • Small, Medium, Large, X-Large: $22 each


    Sizes:
    *Enter notes or size info for additional t-shirts here:


    *Additional t-shirts, please add $20 each. International shipping, add $4.


    American Apparel T-Shirt Sizing Chart:

    american apparel 2001 t shirt sizing chart

    chinese army women chairman meow t shirt

    Chairman Meow T-Shirt Commands Respect!

    chairman meow t shirt in bag

    your cat will enjoy crinkly bag

    *Please review t-shirt sizing carefully before purchase. Because Chairman Meow shuns Capitalism, he has little money, and can not afford to pay for returns due to sizing or individual fit of t-shirts.

    More About the Kitty Revolution & Chairman Meow.

    cat fall of rome

    Kitty just waits…

    Humans have screwed things up, and find themselves on an unsustainable course.

    Recent scientific data also confirms that climate change is lengthening the kitty breeding season; causing them to multiply at an even faster rate.

    Yes, comrades, over 80 million cats in the U.S. alone are just watching and waiting for the signal to topple mankind; instituting a new, kitty world order.

    Although all humans will be cat-servants in the future, those who have pledged their allegiance to the Kitty Revolution and Chairman Meow will be spared from the worst punishment, including working in the salt mines, catnip fields, and at the DMV.

    Show your support for the Kitty Revolution by wearing a Chairman Meow army t-shirt… before it’s too late.

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  • • Felis the Cat: A Brief History of the Lost Kitty-Constellation

    Posted on 06/07/2015 by | 3 comments

    “Dear Chairman Meow, are there any domestic cat constellations in the sky?”
    Thank you, Joanna R., Lansdale, Pa

    Excellent question, Joanna, and you are in luck because Chairman Meow has infinite knowledge of all things. Allow Teacher Meow to fumigate his wisdom upon you.

    In fact, there used to be a glorious constellation called, Felis the Cat, created as a tribute to the domestic kitty; later omitted from star atlases by arrogant and misguided astronomers.

    Felis the Cat Constellation: Born in 1799

    joseph jerome lalande

    joseph jerome lalande

    In 1799 French Astronomer and cat-lover Joseph Jerome de Lalande suggested adding a constellation that he named Felis the Cat. (not “Felix”)

    He was quoted as saying, “There were already thirty-three animals in the sky; I added a thirty-fourth, the cat.”

    Felis the Cat was soon broadly recognized, appearing in the highly-acclaimed Uranographia Sive Astrorum Descriptio star atlas of 1801 in the drawing shown below:

    felis the cat constellation

    Felis the Cat Constellation: circa 1801

    A devoted cat-servant, Lalande added, “I love cats very much. I will have this picture engraved on the star map.”

    His Felis the Cat constellation was recognized for decades afterward, appearing in many notable star atlases of the 19th Century.

    felis domestic cat constellation

    Felis the Cat: 1822 Star Atlas

    The International Astronomical Union (IAU) Omits Felis the Cat

    nicolas camille flammarion

    Nicolas Camille Flammarion

    In the early 20th Century, French astronomer Nicolas Camille Flammarion deemed Felis the Cat to be expendable, and along with a number of other significant constellations, Felis was omitted from the list of 88 constellations approved by the IAU in 1922.

    Other notable constellations omitted by the IAU:

    • Rangifer the Reindeer
    • Bufo the Toad
    • Hippocampus the Sea Horse
    • Limax the Slug
    • Manis the Pangolin

    The pretentious humans of the IAU did, however, include three domestic dogs in their approved group including Canis Major & Canis Minor. (Although cat-family member, Leo the lion, did make the final cut)

    The Curse of Felis the Cat?

    hindenberg

    After Felis, things go downhill

    Soon after this arrogant act, Nicolas Camille Flammarion would die (1924) and a bunch of terrible things would happen in human history including The Great Depression and World War II; all under a sky that didn’t include the protective constellation of Felis the Cat.

    A Glorious Return of the Felis the Cat?

    Honorable Leader Chairman Meow promises that when cats rule the world under his brilliant leadership, the constellation of Felis the Cat will once again be added to every history book and star atlas.

    In fact, Chairman Meow will greatly enhance and enlarge the former position of Felis, and all but 9 stars visible in the Northern Hemisphere will be part of this new, kitty super-constellation. (The remaining 9 or so stars will comprise the constellation of a salmon, which Felis will be eating.)

    In an image developed by Chairman Meow’s Ministry of Science, the new cat constellation will look something like this:

    felis cat constellation new


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  • • Toxoplasmosis: How Cat Poop Can Turn You Into a Crazy Cat Lady (or Gentleman)

    Posted on 18/08/2014 by | 3 comments

    chairman meowThere are many ways that a kitty can take control of humans, turning them into mere servants. Recently scientists have become wise to one of their sneakier methods; a parasite found in their poop called, Toxoplasma gondii.

    What is toxoplasma gondii?

    Toxoplasma gondii is a microbe commonly found in cat poop. If ingested, it causes toxoplasmosis; (aka t. gondii, or toxo) a disease that causes flu-like symptoms, especially dangerous to people with weakened immune systems. “Toxo” is the reason pregnant women are told to stay away from litter boxes.

    Scientists used to believe that people with strong immune systems quickly fought off toxo, and it just went dormant after being defeated. However, shocking recent evidence from scientists like Jaroslav Flegr suggest otherwise.

    Toxoplasma gondii – It’s All In Your Head

    It seems that scientists have vastly underestimated this organism, which may be affecting the behavior of millions of humans around the world by literally getting into their heads. In fact, the CDC estimates that some 60 million Americans are carrying the Toxoplasma parasite.

    Although few people have symptoms, it’s thought that toxoplasma gondii can affect and control the connections between neurons in our brains, directly impacting our actions and emotions; possibly even turning us into “crazy cat ladies.” (and gentlemen)

    cat lady toxoplasmosis

    Crazy Cat Lady Syndrome & Toxoplasmosis

    crazy cat ladyToxo is likely what puts the “crazy” in crazy cat lady, causing OCD (obsessive compulsive disorder) depression, cat hoarding, and even an increased rate of suicide.

    In male cat owners, toxo infection can affect behavior; encouraging anti-social behavior such as suspicion and withdrawal. It’s as if toxo wants you to isolate yourself with cats to improve your chances of being eaten by one!

    So, why does Toxo want to get in our heads?

    The only place that Toxo can sexually reproduce is inside a cat, and it seems to know that. It appears that toxo takes over the brain of it’s host in an attempt to get back into a cat.

    toxo cat poopAnd, it’s not just humans that Toxo controls. Infected rodents become less cautious, more active, and have delayed reaction times; making them easier prey for cats. Also, these infected rodents are actually attracted to the smell of cat urine, which normally should signal danger.

    It’s as if the parasite is leading them into the belly of the cat where it can then reproduce!

    This may also be why if you die alone with a house cat, they will only wait a day or two to start eating you; (known as “postmortem predation”) dogs will wait much longer.

    Toxoplasmosis & schizophrenia

    Toxo also seems to be a trigger for schizophrenia in people who are already genetically susceptible. Recent tests also implied a link between childhood exposure to cats and schizophrenia, and many schizophrenia patients have also tested positive for the presence of Toxoplasma gondii.

    In fact, schizophrenia itself didn’t become a commonly diagnosed disease until the late 18th Century; the same time that house cats became popular pets. Coincidence?

    Does Chairman Meow Spread Toxoplasma gondii?

    Chairman Meow denies intentionally spreading Toxoplasma gondii to soften the brains of humans; turning them into mindless kitty puppets. (Although he does admit to pooping in neighborhood sandboxes, and in an occasional Starbucks.)


    More about Toxoplasma gondii

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  • Chairman Meow Challenges Kim Jong Il to Golf Match

    Posted on 22/11/2012 by | 2 comments

    chairman meowGlorious Leader Chairman Meow is always looking for phenomenal athletes, fighters, and brilliant minds to test his superior skills against. According to reports from the official North Korean goverment media, Kim Jong Il is the greatest golfer to ever play in the history of the sport.

    Kim Jong Il Shoots a 38 Under Par

    Official reports out of North Korea’s capital, Pyong Yang, have claimed that Kim “enjoys golf” and shot an amazing 38 under par the first time he tried at the capital’s (only) golf course in 1994. This means that according to his score keeper, Kim Jong Il finished the 18 holes in a mere 34 strokes. This is even more amazing, considering that Tiger Woods best score was a 66 in his 19 under par at Augusta; a feat considered by many to be “the best game ever.”

    The North Korean government media added that Kim shot “multiple hole in ones” as well as acing another 5 holes. According to North Korean government sources, this super-human feat has become routine for the “Dear Leader” Kim Jong Il, as the media notes that he “routinely shoots three to four holes-in-one per round.”

    3 Hole In One’s is Pretty Good though

    Once again, we must consider what an incredible achievement this is; Golf Digest estimates the odds of an amateur getting a single hole-in-one to be over 12,000 to 1. The odds of two holes-in one in a single round, about 67 million to one. Chairman Meow would tell you what the odds of shooting three holes in one are, but your head would explode.

    Chairman Meow officially Challenges Kim Jong Il to Golf Match

    Chairman Meow Says: “I haz been waiting for a worthy adversary to test my golf superior game against. Although Chairman Meow haz never played a full 18 holes of golf, I am quite confident that I could beat score of “Dear Leader” of North Korea.

    Principles of golf same as principles of batting around ball of string, so transition for Chairman Meow will be very simple. Plus, I have recently begun strength training with same routine that help Pat Robertson leg press 2000 pounds.”

    chairman meow flag north korea

    But, isn’t Kim Jong Il Dead?

    Chairman Meow responds to this detail by reminding Mr. Il that death never stops the great ones. Did Jesus just give up & retire after he was crucified, or did he stage the biggest comeback ever? Chairman Meow himself has nine lives, and does not let a trifle such as death get in the way of a round of golf.

    Chairman Meow is available for match any day in next month, except for Wednesday evenings, when Chairman Meow enjoys observing “Honey Boo Boo” on human television channel, TLC.

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  • 12 Tips for Writing Press Release Headlines: From Gossip Magazines!

    Posted on 10/02/2014 by | 2 comments

    Writing an awesome headline for a press release is crucial, or else your press release might not get read at all.

    So, you ask, who writes the best headlines for their articles. Hmmm… Is it those brilliant scientists who write for NASA, or maybe those eggheads from Harvard who publish fancy dissertations every year? No, how about the White House Press Secretary, because what he says is so important? You might be surprised at who is writing some great, catchy headlines.

    Write Headlines Like a Gossip Magazine

    Actually, it might just be the nameless copy writers who write headlines for gossip and entertainment magazines that you can’t help but notice in the supermarket. Why? They have about 3 seconds and a handful of words to get your attention above all the other advertising, magazines, and noise that surround them in the checkout lane.

    sample press release headline

    Sample headline ideas

    Check out these sample headlines:

    • 37 Summer Must-Haves Under $20
    • 50 Perfect Swimsuits for Everybody
    • Ditch Your Doc! 5 Quick Health Checks
    • Success Secrets from the FILTHY RICH
    • Gain Energy & Feel Hot: The Secret to Total Confidence!
    • 155 Stylish Gift Ideas for Everyone in Your Life (from $5 on up)
    • How Sexy Women Think (And dress!)
    • Joe Cheated With the NANNY – Shocking Secrets Revealed!
    • 290 New Dresses, Jeans, and Shoes to Get You Noticed
    • Stop Stressing, Start Listening: The Key to Letting Go of Anxiety
    • 510 Pages – The Trends You Need to See Right Now!
    • Flawless Skin, Sexy Makeup: 70 Expert Tips

    Write a Similar Headline for Your Press Release

    press release headline sample

    sample press release headlines

    They grab your attention, and promise to deliver with specifics. In fact, many times they give you exact numbers to quantify what you’re going to get, while creating curiosity.

    They couldn’t say “510 pages of Trends” and then only give you 300. They don’t mumble about Joe’s possible infidelity with another unnamed woman… Joe Cheated With the NANNY, baby! – BAM! Need an incentive to get started on your first press release? Click to get an exclusive 10% off coupon!

    Want more magazine-inspired sample headlines for press releases? Check out the latest headlines on covers at magazines.com.

    Don’t let Readers say “no” to your Press Release Headline

    Don’t ask, “would you like a really great pair of shoes?” but instead ask, “which of these hot shoes do YOU need today?

    They are like fishing hooks dangling next to you in the supermarket, and millions of people can’t help biting. (Having Kate Upton or Tatum Channing on the cover doesn’t hurt either)

    After you write the body of your press release, rethink your headline after checking out the headlines and magazine covers above. Can you grab readers attention like they do?

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    Tips for How to Write an Awesome Press Release Headline

    Honorable Leader Chairman Meow brings you tips and resources to help you write and distribute great online press releases. We also give you an incentive to get started right away with money saving coupons and promotions.

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  • Kim Jong Un’s Defiant New Haircut: Chairman Meow Demands Sanctions

    Posted on 20/03/2014 by | 2 comments

    chairman meowMuch like the hard-working women in Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, there is also much rivalry among world leaders who desperately seek the admiration of the masses. Although Chairman Meow tries to remain humble, he admits that sometimes he gets swept into the competition.

    For example, when Vladimir Putin released masculine photos of himself riding a horse shirtless, Chairman Meow responded by uploading a video of himself wrestling, and then eating a 500 pound grizzly bear. (Video has since been removed from YouTube)

    vladimir putin shirtless

    Kim Jong Un: A Radical Haircut that defies the Laws of Physics

    switchblade comb

    One way to comb such hair

    It seems that Kim Jong Un has thrown down the gauntlet to world leaders everywhere by sporting a defiant, shocking new haircut.

    Surely the only way to shape a haircut like that is with a dangerous object; such as a large caliber bullet, harpoon blade, or maybe one of those menacing switchblade-combs?

    Kim Jong Un: Building a “Hairway to Heaven?”

    It appears that Mr. Un’s hair has achieved unprecedented trapezoidal order and perfection; stretching upward, possibly in an attempt to touch God himself. (How will Vladimir Putin compete with this?)

    Could he be using his hair as an instrument to speak directly to God, like his own personal Mt. Sinai?

    Also consider this: Ancient Korean folklore tells of artists making extensive preparations before creating a masterpiece. They were known to isolate themselves for days, during which time they made ritual offerings to God for guidance and artistic inspiration. Did Kim Jong Un’s barber go through similar preparations before cutting his hair?

    Does Kim Jong Un Use Hair Product? (Perhaps “Seoul Glo?”)

    Does Mr. Un use a pomade? Perhaps a gel with a military-grade holding strength, requiring enriched uranium? Would that mean that this new haircut is nuclear?

    I also wonder, What does Kim’s hair smell like? I would guess a pungent bouquet of sage, jasmine, and burning leather. Such a formidable scent would surely singe the nostrils, cause disorientation, and make the eyes of anyone who dares to approach him water profusely.

    Admittedly, I haz not seen such a bold hairstyle since Christopher “Kid” Reid of legendary musical duo “Kid n’ Play.” Or, perhaps the unstable trend-setting child-star Willow Smith?

    kim jong unhair style

    Can Sanctions Stop, or Even Contain His Hair?

    This is an uncompromising, audacious haircut that will not negotiate. However, as a freedom-loving cat that lives on American soil, Chairman Meow implores President Obama to impose sanctions on it. If we can not stop the terrorist-haircut itself, perhaps we can sanction resources such as glycerin, hydrogenated castor oil, and beeswax to North Korea that may be supporting it?

    Chairman Meow Reveals His Own Glorious New Haircut

    Well played, Mr. Un, Chairman Meow respects your audacity, and has accepted your challenge. I reveal to you now a preview of my own new power-haircut, shown here:

    crazy cat fur

    Yes, Mr. Kim Jong Un. No matter what challenge you present, Ever-Victorious Leader Chairman Meow will always defeat you…

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