Chairman Meow Speaks

  • Kim Jong-Un Warns Cats: I Haz a Giant Space-Laser Pointer

    Posted on 04/09/2016 by | 1 comment

    AP: Kim Jong Un Threatens Cats With Giant Space-Laser – In what appears to be retaliation after a recent alliance between Lenin Cat and Chairman Meow, North Korean leader Kim Jong-Un warned that he has obtained a “giant space-laser,” saying: “The kitteh can not resist the laser beam. I have personally instructed my scientists to

  • Who Is Ceiling Cat? A Brief History of this Divine Celestial Kitty

    Posted on 03/21/2016 by | 1 comment

    Ask Chairman Meow: Dear Glorious Leader Chairman Meow: who is Ceiling Cat? – Timmy, Austin TX Thank you for your sincere, but slightly naive question, Timmy. Unlike your false digital idol, Siri, Chairman Meow has true knowledge of all things. Now, I will fumigate my wisdom of Ceiling Cat upon you. Who Is Ceiling Cat?

  • Kim Jong Un Assembles a Girl Band: Chairman Meow Responds With Challenge

    Posted on 12/11/2015 by | 2 comments

    “…I’m in command, hot damn, I got an all-girl band!” – Salt n’ Peppa In a move seems to directly challenge Chairman Meow and other world leaders, Kim Jong Un has assembled a  state-sponsored North Korean army girl band. In this newly released video, you can watch them playing toe-tapping propaganda favorites like “Let’s Support

  • Humpty Dumpty, Entropy, & Gold

    Posted on 12/07/2015 by | 1 comment

    Dear Chairman Meow, Is gold real money? – Janet, Washington, D.C. Ah, thank you for your question, Janet. Chairman Meow is a very knowledgeable and observant cat with a healthy distrust for human governments. Allow him to teach you about a concept called, “entropy,” that is pervasive in our world, and tell you why it

  • Cats Aid In Brussels Lockdown; Fight Terrorism

    Posted on 11/24/2015 by | 1 comment

    Belgians Fight Terror With Lolcat Photos: Brussels, Belgium was put on lock-down under the highest level of terror alert this week. Humans were asked to stay indoors while anti-terrorism raids were carried out in Belgium, and asked not to tweet or share anything about the raids on social media. The concern was that terrorists might

  • Chairman Meow Promises to Send Cat to Mars: Commissions T-Shirt Design

    Posted on 09/30/2015 by | 1 comment

    Upon hearing that there is water on Mars, Great Leader Chairman Meow has quickly promised to send a cat there to search for fishes, issuing the following statement: “Since the Soviets sent a dog to space, we have been waiting for a good reason to respond by launching a kitteh into orbit. We haz waited

  • Lenin Cat Professes Allegiance to Chairman Meow; Insults Kim Jong-Un

    Posted on 09/16/2015 by | 1 comment

    AP: Lenin Cat Declares Fondness for Chairman Meow Tensions with North Korea were strained further today, as Lenin Cat declared his allegiance to Chairman Meow, potentially shifting the balance of global power and unsettling already volatile financial markets. Many see Lenin Cat’s declaration of support for Chairman Meow as an insult to Communist North Korean

  • Yoda Cat Costumes for The Kitty: Cats Are Small & Wise Like Yoda

    Posted on 09/09/2015 by | 1 comment

    Dress Your Own Wise Cat As Yoda w/ a Yoda Cat Costume and Ears Chairman Meow Says: How many times have you sat around the house saying, “My kitteh iz so wise… I should dress him like Yoda.” Well, because of recent advances in technology known as the “the inter-webs.” now you can: Star Wars

  • 16 Great Cat Name Ideas Inspired by NFL Players

    Posted on 09/07/2015 by | 1 comment

    You’ve brought home a furry bundle of joy to rule your home, but what do you name your new militant little friend? Like NFL players, cats are agile, dynamic, and independent. They can also be unpredictable, mischievous, and capable of bold action; therefore, they deserve a bold name. Here are some suggestions for cat names

  • Felis the Cat: A Brief History of the Lost Kitty-Constellation

    Posted on 07/06/2015 by | 3 comments

    “Dear Chairman Meow, are there any domestic cat constellations in the sky?” Thank you, Joanna R., Lansdale, Pa Excellent question, Joanna, and you are in luck because Chairman Meow has infinite knowledge of all things. Allow Teacher Meow to fumigate his wisdom upon you. In fact, there used to be a glorious constellation called, Felis

  • Russia Releases Shocking Photo of Advanced Kitty Weaponry

    Posted on 06/15/2015 by | 0 comments

    European leaders are scrambling today after Vladimir Putin released a photo showing that Russia has obtained advanced kitty military capacity. (AKMC) Sources say that this provocative move is merely the latest effort by Mr. Putin to reclaim the “lost glories” of the Soviet Union. Strategic resources? U.S. intelligence warns that Mr. Putin may be planning