Chairman Meow Speaks

  • Felis the Cat: A Brief History of the Lost Kitty-Constellation

    Posted on 07/06/2015 by | 0 comments

    “Dear Chairman Meow, are there any domestic cat constellations in the sky?” Thank you, Joanna R., Lansdale, Pa Excellent question, Joanna, and you are in luck because Chairman Meow has infinite knowledge of all things. Allow Teacher Meow to fumigate his wisdom upon you. In fact, there used to be a glorious constellation called, Felis

  • Russia Releases Shocking Photo of Advanced Kitty Weaponry

    Posted on 06/15/2015 by | 0 comments

    European leaders are scrambling today after Vladimir Putin released a photo showing that Russia has obtained advanced kitty military capacity. (AKMC) Sources say that this provocative move is merely the latest effort by Mr. Putin to reclaim the “lost glories” of the Soviet Union. Strategic resources? U.S. intelligence warns that Mr. Putin may be planning

  • Working From Home? Eliminate Distractions w/ This Brilliant Invention

    Posted on 06/12/2015 by | 0 comments

    “The Isolator” Invention by Hugo Gernsback – Working from home has a lot of challenges. The phone rings, the kids barge into my office, the dog pulls things off my shelves and scatters them… What’s a self-employed person, writer, or entrepreneur to do? Well, apparently Hugo Gernsback had the same issue in 1925, and instead

  • Mr. Meowgi: Lolcats From Chairman Meow

    Posted on 06/03/2015 by | 0 comments

    In Okinawa… too tired… No, is not “meow-so” soup in trendy Chinese restaurant. Mister Meowgi is just taking power-nap before catching more flies with chopsticks to sharpen ninja-like reflexes. Recommended coupons: We update our exclusive coupons everyday. Check out these promo codes for free shipping or other great discounts: Famous Footwear Coupons | PETCO Coupon

  • Chairman Meow Outsources Surveillance Program to China

    Posted on 05/21/2015 by | 0 comments

    New Spying Program Will Save Money & Resources – After realizing that humans are “mostly boring” to spy on, Chairman Meow has announced that he will be outsourcing his surveillance program overseas to a Chinese organization: A spokesperson for Chairman Meow added that the cheap canine-labor will conserve resources for The Revolution; allowing the kitteh

  • The Subtle Differences Between Cats, Possums, & Vladimir Putin

    Posted on 01/05/2015 by | 1 comment

    Chairman Meow Says: Apparently there haz been some confusion lately as to what is a kitty, and what is not a kitty. Perhaps this is due in part to a recent Fox News segment entitled, “Possums: Are They Just Liberal Cats Trying to Take Your Guns Away?” In any event, Please allow Great Teacher Chairman Meow to clear

  • Hundreds of North Koreans Forced to Watch “Cat Eating Watermelon” Video for Hours

    Posted on 01/03/2015 by | 4 comments

    Kitty Propaganda Video Forced on Hundreds of North Koreans – Patrons of several movie theaters in the North Korean capital of Pyong Yang, were surprised to learn that they would not be seeing the state-approved movie Comrade Kim Goes Flying, which they had bought tickets for. Instead, witnesses say that when the theaters were filled

  • 16 Great Cat Name Ideas Inspired by NFL Players

    Posted on 12/16/2014 by | 1 comment

    You’ve brought home a furry bundle of joy to rule your home, but what do you name your new militant little friend? Like NFL players, cats are agile, dynamic, and independent. They can also be unpredictable, mischievous, and capable of bold action; therefore, they deserve a bold name. Here are some suggestions for cat names

  • “The Voices” Movie – A Cat Tells Ryan Reynolds to Become a Serial Killer

    Posted on 12/08/2014 by | 0 comments

    There’s a new dark comedy coming out in time for Valentine’s Day called, “The Voices,” starring Ryan Reynolds and Anna Kendrick. Apparently his cat, “Mr. Whiskers,” tells him to kill people, and he has no choice but to obey the kitty. Well, if your cat tells you to do something, what are you going to

  • How to Recognize an Atomic Bomb: Safety Tips from Chairman Meow

    Posted on 11/26/2014 by | 0 comments

    Great Teacher Chairman Meow receives many good questions from the interwebs, such as the following: Dear Glorious Leader, Something has landed in my yard, and it may be an atomic bomb. It is approximately 20 feet long, weighs 5 tons, and it is too wide to wrap my arms around. Could this be an atomic

  • Mark Zuckerberg Stole Facebook Idea from Chairman Meow

    Posted on 11/19/2014 by | 0 comments

    Chairman Meow, believing that his idea for The Facebook, “has been stolen by Mark Zuckerberg,” has retained the services of an elite legal team. (see below) Proof that Mark Zuckerberg stole the kitty’s Facebook Idea All cats know that books are an excellent place to rest your face. As you can see below, the kitty had the